abuse burning death feral feral_herd fire fluffy fluffy_dies foal_dies herd herd_dies laser lawn_invasion phaser questionable science we're_gonna_need_another_timmy


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She Blinded Me With Science

(and yes, this will be the second time I've used the same Dinosaurs reference in a story. Fuck you, Dinosaurs was awesome.)

Sighing, you gently thump your head against the steering wheel of your car and try to will the stress away. Your job sucks. Fortunately, you found a hobby that distracts you from the howling oblivion that is your life.

You have your own youtube series, where you do random cool shit inspired by Mythbusters, Brainiac, Bill Nye, and Top Gear. Your video of you ramping a bike propelled by a dozen fire extinguishers got almost a million hits.

Getting out of your car, you're distracted as you walk down your dark driveway toward the house, trying to think of a new video you can do. You've already done thermite, but maybe you can get some sulfur and barium nitrate to make thermate TH3 and do a comparison video?

Wait- sniff. Sniff sniff. Ugh, what smells like shit? Shaking your head, you fumble with yours keys and-


What the- what the fuck did you just step in?!


The hell?

Shining the flashlight on your keychain around, you spot a bright pink puffball charging toward you, hugging your foot and crying hysterically. Lifting your foot, you see a red and green sodden mess and realize you must have stepped on a foal. What the frell are fluffies doing on your driveway?

"Babbeh! Mummah hewe! Gif huggies, make evewyting bettew! Buuhuuhuu!"

"Fuck off, shitrat!"

You kick the fluffy mare away, then step onto your porch, open the door, turn on the porch light and turn to see your yard.

Oh, FUCK. A whole herd has invaded your lawn. They've shit all over it. A bunch of them are lying in a pile next to your tree, sleepily blinking and complaining about "woud noisies" and "bwight wight" waking them up.

Oh, hell no. This will not do. You're going to get rid of these vermin.

With science.

You slam the door shut, sprint into the garage, turn on the Weird Science theme on your stereo, and begin dismantling an old DVD burner. Now let's see, you've got a toy Star Trek phaser that makes sound effects somewhere... ah-ha! There it is!

You've seen this on youtube. You're going to take it one step beyond.

"Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of Mike Experiments! Today, I've disassembled a DVD burner and combined it with a toy phaser and some 12 volt batteries. Now, you've seen people pop balloons and set paper on fire with these before, but I thought we'd get creative. Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to become the first human being to go on safari with a fucking laser weapon."

Flipping the porch light on again, you step out onto the porch, Go Pro mounted on your head, and survey the herd of fluffies in their fluff pile, complaining again about being woken. You crank the laser up to full power, point it at the pink mare (still hugging the crushed remains of her foal and crying), and squeeze the trigger. An intense blue dot appears on her flank, accompanied by the phaser firing sound effect, and after a couple of seconds you see a whisp of smoke appear. Then...



The mare ignites and begins running around in a panic. A brown fluffy of indeterminate gender sits up and watches blearily, not awake enough to really process what it's seeing.

You center a bright blue dot on its forehead and its face bursts into flames seconds later.


Next, a foal tumbles out of the fluff pile onto your lawn, chirping at the sudden loss of warmth and comfort. You direct the laser onto it and it ignites.


Now the fluff pile is quivering and shaking, fluffies rolling out and running around in panicked circles, shitting themselves, or hiding their faces as they suddenly realize there's danger.

The phaser whines again and again, setting fluffies ablaze. You note in the back of your mind that the blue fluffies seem to take a few more seconds to catch fire; must be because their fluff is the same color as the laser.

Finally, you're left with just two adult fluffies and a foal. The rest of the herd is either ablaze and screaming, or lying on your lawn moaning in agony as smoke wisps from their cracked, reddened, naked skin, their fluff having burnt away.

"Pwease nu huwt babbeh! Babbeh... babbeh gif nice mista huggies?"

"Lemme think about it... no."



"Babbeh, nu!"


One of the fluffies, you assume the mother, runs over, tries to put out the fire by slapping its flaming child ineffectually with its hooves, then seems to reach inspiration and turns...

Holy shit. Literally. It just unloaded its ass all over its own baby, dousing the flames in the process. Sure, the foal is covered in shit now, but it isn't on fire anymore. Kudos, mummah. Oh, also:



You turn to the last fluffy, which is giving the thousand yard stare at your lawn, not really seeing the other fluffies in its herd as they scream and burn. Then it looks at you and whispers, "Da howwow. Da howwow."

"You know, I like you. I think I'm gonna name you Timmy. You want me to be your new daddy?"

It blinks repeatedly and seems to snap out of its shellshock.

"Weawwy? Nyu daddeh?"

"Sure! But you have to call me Mister Lizard, not daddeh."

"Otay! Wuv Mistuh Wizawd!"

You crouch down to face Timmy on his own level and grin.

"Timmy! You wanna help Mister Lizard with an experiment?"

"Whu expewiment?"

You point the phaser at his face and fire, literally lighting up both his eyes.


"Oops!" you chuckle as you look into the camera.

"I think we're gonna need another Timmy!"


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Anonymous1: I was hoping for unintentional sorry-hoofies to kill the babbeh, but then the mare shat on it and my day was made.
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Anonymous2: I like this. I expect more science like ways to abuse fluffies. I demand more lazering of fluffies as they shit everywhere. I'm gonna expect more Mike's experiments from you Swindle! K? K. Oh! And also,
>find a fluffy that says "da howwow da howwow" and names it Timmy
>not Dexter
>That is my only personal complaint.
Other that that, moar Mikes experiments stories please! Ok I'm done. This has been Faget Anon, and keep up the good work Swindle. (Mistah Wizawd. I keked so hard)
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westmayoradam: Kipkay's blue ray DVD laser?
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Anonymous3: PEW PEW PEW
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Anonymous4: >upload the video to YouTube
>yfw it gets 50 million views
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Anonymous5: Yes! Swindle is back! With abuse!
I love you man! You're my Swindy Swindly Swindle!
Please, marry me and take my rectal virginity! You'll be my abuser and I'll be your fluffy!
Oh my Swindly...
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Anonymous6: Anon5 needs professional help.
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Swindle: @Anonymous: Half the booru does.
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Anonymous7: killing fluffies FOR SCIENCE!

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Fluffycide: Get science'd bitches

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IrrationalAbuser: Stock abuse story.
It's like a madlib.
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Anonymous8: We need more laser stories
Thread locked for the current user.