author:hrflufnstuf crossover dan dan_vs fluffy_pony_story island lake marshmallows questionable text

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>It's Labor Day Weekend
>Be an angry little man with a soul patch
>You've been looking forward to this weekend all summer
>Your friend and his wife have rented an awesome lake house up in Oregon
>Just for the weekend
>Just for the three of you
>While they drive up to the lake house, you're chilling in their backseat
>Well, not chilling so much as freezing
>The summer weather is starting to cool off, but that idiot Chris hasn't turned his car's A/C down
>Gently berate him until he agrees it's too cold
>He makes up a pathetically transparent excuse about the A/C being at just the right temperature so the hot dogs in the wayback don't spoil
>Add "air conditioning" to your List, right under "Apple mice" and "the Corn Flakes rooster"
>...
>Screw it, add "hot dogs" too

>FINALLY
>You arrive at the lake house
>Get out and stretch your legs, shake out your arms
>Your hands fell asleep from white-knuckling
>Chris is a terrible, terrible driver
>Immediately head to the front door, expecting it to be open
>When rattling the door knob doesn't work, you attempt to pick the lock with one of your greasy, stiff hairs
>Chris shows up behind you, arms full of food and bedsheets
>He's mumbling something, but you can't understand him
>Chastise him
"For the love of all that is American English, take that key out of your mouth!"
>You snatch the key out from between his shining white teeth
>He sighs. "I was saying, take the key out of my mouth."
"Well duh! How else was I supposed to understand you?"
>He sighs again, drops everything he's holding onto the wooden decking and takes the key
>Chris seems to be sighing a lot lately
>As you enter, you remind him to make that appointment with the bronchologist he's been putting off for so long

>Your digs are sweet!
>Out of the sheer kindness of their hearts, Chris and Elise let you have the master bedroom
>It's got a king-size bed and TWO lamps!
>There's even a guide to the TV channels laying on your pillow!
>This is truly opulent!
>You thank them for taking one for the team
>What would you possibly do with a pair of twin beds in separate rooms?
>Chris puts all your stuff, including Mr. Mumbles' carrier, on your bed
>Groan loudly and reluctantly accept that you'll have to put your stuff away yourself
>Not like you even brought another set of clothes, though
>Let Mr. Mumbles out and show her around your sweet digs
>She decides to take a nap on the left pillow
>That's "her spot" now
>You decide to go watch TV in the living room
>Your stuff remains un-put away

>There are only fifteen TV channels on the cruddy 12-inch CRT
>All of them are either food, a pledge week, or news
>How is such a thing even legal in this day and age?
>Switch the set off right after they start talking about the stock market
>Some big toy company announced a new, improved version of an old product, and everyone's excited
>You don't care for toys, you're too analytical to 'play' with them
>You also don't care for the stock market - it's gambling for suits, and in gambling, everyone loses
>Popping your back, you stand up from the old naugahyde recliner which has a goofy toothsome face screen-printed on it
>You head out to the back porch, stumbling over the stupid rubber bumper thing in the doorframe

>The view is amazing
>About as amazing as Oregon waterfront property can be in September, but still
>You can see for fractions of miles in most directions
>The rolling, grayish-green hills surround the wending lake like the wrapper in the granola bar commercial that was probably filmed somewhere nearby
>An everpresent fog permeates the air, misting against your face as you step outside
>Chris is already there, leaning back in a lawn chair with his feet propped up on the railing
>There's a pair of binoculars hung around his neck, and he's wearing some dumb fishing hat with lures in it
>Dear lord, he's already gone native
>You point this out to him
"You don't fish."
>He says it's his dad's hat
"Your dad is allergic to fish!"
>He says his dad bought it at a flea market
>Frown and pretend to accept his flimsy explanation
>Suddenly, something catches your ear
>A voice on the wind?
>Sounds like it's coming from...
>That tiny island in the middle of the lake!
>You grab Chris' binoculars, not bothering with the time it takes to remove them from his neck
>After adjusting the focus, a strange sight comes into view
>There's a little orange puffball of some sort on the island, running around happily
>Scanning the island, you spy around eight or nine more, all different colors
>The wind has shifted, so you can hear that they're babbling in inane baby talk
>"Fwuffy pway on iwand!" "Wuv sand gwassies!" "Fwuffy up-down, up-down! Hewp!"
>Chris is beginning to turn blue.
>You'd hate to get him in trouble with the Census, so you let him have his cheap binoculars back.
"What are those things?" you inquire.
>"Fluffy ponies," he says, catching his breath. All the more reason to see a bronchologist.
"Fluffy whats?" You quirk an eyebrow.
>Chris sighs a little. "Fluffy ponies. They're biologically engineered pets that were accidentally released from the lab and now roam the United States as a feral creature. Don't you watch the news?"
>You grimace in abject revulsion.
"They sound annoying."
>"Yeah, but they don't really hurt anyone - they're actually incapable of it - so most folks just leave 'em alone."
>Grumbling, you secretly pity his naive nonchalance
"Fine, as long as they stay far away from the lake house. I payed good money to rent this place."
>"Elise and I rented this place, Dan."
>You grunt. You don't care. You're hungry.
"Whatever! Well, let's get to making the campfire, shall we? I bought a ton of marshmallows and..."
>You look over at the food pile on the porch
>It's being kept out here because the fridge is busted
>The marshmallows are gone, package and all
"Where are the marshmallows?"
>You look over at Chris, who sheepishly shrugs with a suspicious smile on his mug
>The voice on the wind returns, this time even more squeaky somehow.
>You grab the binoculars again. Screw the Census, fat load of pencil-pushing bureaucrats!
>"Mawwows yummy!" "Tummy feew good!" "Tasty nummies!"
>Those puffed-up lab rats have your marshmallows!
"NO! My marshmallows! Those were supposed to last us the weekend! Great, now we have to go buy more!"
>You're getting angry. It's because you're hungry.
>You're hangry.
>Chris rubs the back of his neck - he seems tense.
>Despite your hangriness, you make a mental note to see about getting him a massage. You know a guy.
>"Um... Dan, the store in town isn't going to be open all weekend because of Labor Day, remember?"
>WELP
>THAT DOES IT
>You cry havoc and let slip a terrifying growl of anguish that bounces off the hillsides
"GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR... FLLLUUUUUUFFFFFYYY PPPPOOOOONNNIIIIIEEEESSSSSSS!!!!"
____ _____ _____ _____
| \| _ | | | | | |___
| | | | | | | | | |_ -|_
|____/|__|__|_|___| \___/|___|_|
___ __ _ _ ___ ___ _ _ ___ __ _ _ __ ___ ___
( _)( ) ( )( )( _)( _)( \/ ) ( ,\ / \( \( )( )( _)/ __)
) _) )(__ )()( ) _) ) _) \ / ) _/( () )) ( )( ) _)\__ \
(_) (____)\__/ (_) (_) (__/ (_) \__/(_)\_)(__)(___)(___/

>childlike giggling echoes around the lake

Comments


- Reply
hrflufnstuf: fucking hell, the ascii art didn't work
WELP that's what I get for uploading a text file
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WuvsAndHates: @Homfrog: Proportional fonts and fixed-with ASCII art don't mix.

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hrflufnstuf: new upload at >>3916

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Staccato: Tagged for deletion because a fixed version has been reposted.

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hrflufnstuf: @Staccato: Thank you, I honestly wasn't sure how to go about it.

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mxpaq: @Homfrog: It's your call, but I found the text version a lot easier to read. I just clicked over to the next image for the ASCII art.

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Tabula_Rojo: yeah don't delete this, Texts posts are so much easier to read

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hrflufnstuf: @mxpaq,@Tabula_Rojo: Alright then, it stays. If I were to reupload an image version, would black text on transparent background be easier to read?
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PandaSennin: Alright, a Dan VS Fluffy Ponies story.
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DoctorWhooves: Where is part 2 with the fluffies being roasted instead of the marshmallows?
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KRDiStort: Dan doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would straight-up abuse a fluffy.
Passive-aggressively crushing its spirit seems more his speed.

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lordanubis: @KRDiStort: He'd probably accidentally kill/maim one, then get horrified by it. Remember the Wolfman? His sense of fairness may be incredibly warped, but he's not a killer.
Thread locked for the current user.