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The advisor and his fluffy

*Gasps* "Babbeh wub new housie!!" the neon-pink unicorn colt fluffy with purple mane cried out in it's ear-piercingly loud voice.

Joshua Bodhi had adopted this fluffy, bringing him into his comfy apartment in Pismo. He hadn't had anything set up really, having adopted this fluffy after hearing these things(Generation 3 fluffies) were going down in price due to the next generation of fluffies currently being developed and expected to come out within a week. He wasn't looking for total abuse, nor for a living toy to hug in bouts of loneliness, so much as he needed something to entertain him on days where not even the internet would satiate his boredom. Anything else than that, Josh wasn't entirely sure why he bought the fluffy other than the compulsive need to spend a little more after long days of legal advisory.

First step was naming the fluffy.

Josh had no name in mind for the fluffy, looking into the little rat-pig as it waddled around the thick carpet while sniffing it, wondering if it was strange, white grass food. In a way, fluffies were charming in that they were a clusterfuck of genetics meant to resemble a pony, which also gave them a slight resemblance to pigs with the fur of a pony. In addition, they were "programmed" with baby-speak to help maximize their cuteness in addition to their useless fluff. There was an urban legend that spread around saying that fluffies are programmed to accept any name given to them, no matter how inappropriate it is. You supposedly could name a fluffy "Nasty anal fissure" and it will respond with it's usual "Babbeh wub new name!".

Time to test that legend.

"Fluffy, it's time to give you your new name."

The pink unicorn's ears perked up, smiling as wide as his fat fluffy cheeks could stretch.

"Your new name is Ass pirate. Do you understand?"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

The fluffy was ducking down, covering his ears with his hooves as, shivering as if he was suffering from PTSD.

"BABBEH NU WIKE BAD WOWDIES!!! PICK NEW NAME, PICK NEW NAME!!!"

He was chirping frantically, crying as he begged a new name. Josh would later look up what had happened to make the fluffy react the way it did. It wasn't the mill he was born in, as it had one of the best reputations on the West coast for quality fluffies. It turns out that fluffies are programmed to react negatively to profanity, in order to prevent teaching the fluffy to be profane around families and to make it easier to market them to kids. It was a good concept, but the way the fluffies react most likely traumatize children who may not understand the word themselves and think it is a cool name. It was no wonder these gen 3s were starting to dive in popularity.

"Okay, okay, settle down fluff. You keep screaming and the neighbors might think I'm murdering a child! How about...."

Looking around, Josh notices his closet was cracked open. The light from the hallway partially illuminated the chicken mask from his Hotline Miami cosplay, inspiring him.

"Richard?"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Upon further reading, Josh found this out about fluffies.

"...in an attempt to prevent any dirty naming, any name that can be considered even the slightest innuendo will be met with the fluffy's loud screaming. Your best bet is to name it something that would fit in the MLP universe(ie: Sweetie bell)."

Yet another good intention, turned out to be a dumb idea. Josh waited until the ringing in his ears died down, and tried again with another inspiration related to Hotline, but with a bit of a pony twist to it.

"Pink Miami?"

He stopped crying on a dime, smiling wide once again as he nods.

"Babbeh wub new name!"

Christ, thankfully Miami didn't scream at the name. Next came the next part, and that was fluffy-proofing the living room until he could have the guest bedroom converted into a saferoom. First-things-first, he had to put up a Hasbio-approved barrier for the for the balcony doors. They overlooked the ocean, which Josh read that a fluffy's stupidity is so severe that just looking out into the ocean without Hasbio-approved floaties for a fluffy will cause it to dry-drown.

Custom fitted Hasbio-approved fluffy balcony barrier: $40

Not too much of a big deal...Josh guessed. It was outrageous, but it was safer than going with those knock-off barriers that were prone to falling on top of the fluffy. If he was going to spend $30 on a fluffy, he was going to ensure it survives long enough for him to get something out of it, even if he decided to abuse the thing or hugbox it to death. That also meant taking the fluffy to the vet in six days to have it neutered. Hasbio would give the fluffy it's shots and such before shipping them off, but the fact you had to have them spayed or neutered out of pocket was bullshit. Hopefully Hasbio will fix that by Gen 4?

A week goes by, with Josh leaving Miami alone for the majority of the day, while he cuddled the stuffie friend that came with his purchase from the Fluff mart in Santa Maria. Josh left a fluffy-safe bowl filled with Hasbio-brand kibble, while leaving a camera set up to record Miami so he can watch and see what a fluffy does all day when the owner is away. It's one thing with cats and dogs, but fluffies were new territory. For the most part, Miami huued softly into his stuffie friend's lap, hiding in his bed while waiting for his daddeh to return. He would only leave to eat his bowl, but to go to the litterbox took some courage for him, seeing as it was set up in the bathroom, and not the guest room. Finally, the day came where it was time to have Miami neutered.
Uploader CalifornianCuller,
Tags california cosplay curiosity hasbio hotline_miami_is_best_game_ever! josh miami neutralbox product profanity
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CalifornianCuller: Meh...Olive's ending will come soon. For now, I wanna type a story about a curious man who bought a fluffy in order to understand them better(before the infamous fluffy outbreak, of course). Hope it's decent for you all :3

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guodzilla: "Bodhi?" I have a great-nephew whose middle name is Bodhi.

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Dirtbiker989: he ain't gon' take it well, is he?
- Reply
Anonymous1: Fuck you're old.

- Reply
CalifornianCuller: @Anonymous: Old? What do you mean by that, youngster? XD
- Reply
Anonymous2: Neutralbox,eh?Was expecting abuse.
Thread locked for the current user.