author:dirtbiker989 crips_and_bloods death foal gang gang_war implied_anal_prolaps implied_death implied_rape pbs_ruins_everything safe tv wierdbox-ish wtf

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One Babbeh, Two Babbeh, Red Babbeh, Blue Babbeh
By Dirtbiker989
_______________

Crusin' down the street in my 64...
JK walking like the broke fucking pleb I am
I come across a box
Ohshitfreestuff.wmv
Lemme at dem knick knacks for my apartment
Wait, these aren't knick knacks for my apartment
They're babies!
Oh wait shit all of them are dead
Ah well, no skin off my ba-
*CHEEP* *CHEEP*
Lmao wat?
One of 'em is alive
Hey there's a note on this here little box
"Bitch mare got pregnant so I threw these out. Free to whoever can tolerate them. So is the mother if you can find her. And if she survived the fall from my window."
Well badda bing, badda boom, lookie here
Free friend
The only living one is monochrome red, and is trying to get my attention
It looks more annoyed than desperate
*CHEEP* "Hewwo? Been twyin' to tawk tu 'ou! Heaw pwaces nu wowk? Is otay if dey don't, babbeh jus' wan' know!"
Pick it up, pet it
"Nah fam it's all good, y'all wanna live with me?"
"Yay, nyu daddeh!"
Immediately hugs my thumb and sucks on the tip
FINGERtip, in case your mind wandered south
Cool, I was gonna go for a walk and cut down on this 38-inch beer belly but this is enough of an excuse not to
On my way back I overhear something
"Dummeh nu-pointy babbeh am big Fwuffy nao! Weave fowevah!"
OwO what's this?
Out of the nearby alley sulks not a crackhead, but a tiny monochrome blue foal
And to the mother's credit, it's an earthie
"Mummah, am onwy wittow babbeh!" *CHEEP*
"Nu cawe! Nao dat can make some-tawkies, am big 'nuff tu weave fowevah!"
I look into the alley and see a fat Fluffy family of all unicorns
No wonder this li'l fella got the boot
Doubleornothing.gif
"That's okay, little guy. You can come stay with me."
"Dummeh hoomin nu take dummeh bad babbeh! Take bestes' mummah an' bestes' pointy-babbehs NAO!"
"Try me, bitch."
Stomp my boots to keep them at bay
A human would probably laugh and throw rocks, but for Fluffies this works like magic
"Fine! We find BETTAW daddeh wif BETTAW housie who nu am dummeh an' wuv BETTAW Fwuffies!"
"I'll hold you to that."
Call my fucked-up "friend" Stevie
Only keep him around anymore because he has Godtier computer skills
Plus he gave some really good analingus Sophomore year when I was experimenting, gotta respect that
"Hello? Yeah, I've got some for you... 3rd and Main... Bitches, all of 'em... Mhmm, you too... No no, Stevie. I don't want you around my nephew. Goodbye."
Hope that mare likes getting raped and watching her foals' anuses prolapse, cuz that's where she's headed
She's just lucky she doesn't have a computer to get flooded with 5TB of (not the genetic abomination biotoy) horse porn overnight
Meanwhile I'm headed back to my apartment with these two fluffballs
"Alright, so I should probably give you two some names."
"Babbeh hab tummeh huwties!"
"Yea, daddeh shud do somefin' 'bout dat befowe twyin' to gib namesies!"
"Calm down, you bums, you'll get your free meals when we get back home. I'm just wasting time while we walk there."
Eye them over
They're both mono, one red and one blue
Only one thing came to mind when I saw this color combination
"Alright, you're Red Rocket, and you're Blue Balls."
"Yay! Wed Wocket wub nyu namie!"
"But daddeh, Bwue Bawws hab wed fwuff. Shudn't wed babbeh be Wed Wocket an' bwue babbeh be Bwue Bawws?"
"Alright, if you insist. Change of plans, YOU'RE now Red Rocket and YOU'RE now Blue Balls."
"Yay! Bwue Bawws stiww wub nyu-nyu namie!"
Get them home
Not much happened, I fed them, I bathed them, I taught them where to poop and sleep
Then we watched some documentaries on TV
*BEEP BEEP*
"Oh shit! I gotta get to my night job, otherwise my boss is gonna hit me again!"
I told Red Rocket and Blue Balls to stay on the couch and keep themselves occupied with the TV
I also promised that I'd feed them after I got back home
***
Daddeh just left the housie
Now you're here alone with Blue Balls
"Su, uh... how 'ou?"
"Pwetty gud, pwetty gud, uh... yea..."
"Uh, wat was 'ou owd famiwy wike?"
"Nu gud. Mummah nebbah gabe miwkies, bwuddahs an' sissies awways gib meanie owwies, an' daddeh eben twy tu gib bad speshow huggies. Am wucky he nu coud fin' poopie pwace..."
"Wow, dat am..."
"Yea..."
"Uh, weww, Wed Wocket am sowwy fo' ask."
"Bwue Bawws am sowwy Wed Wocket ask too."
...
"Wet's, uh... wet's watch da TeeBee."
"Yeah, wet's."
[Viewer Discretion is Strongly Advised]
"Wat dat say?"
"'Ou fink Wed Wocket knu dat? Am jus' wittow babbeh wike 'ou, nu can wead."
*Sigh* "Yea..."
'Tonight, we take a close look inside the vicious and neverending conflict between the two infamous rival gangs: the Crips and the Bloods...'
***
*GASP* "Dat meanie bwue hoomin gib gud wed hoomin woud bangie huwties an' fowebah sweepies!"
"Dummeh wed stawted it when capped gud bwoo in da poopie pwace fwom metaw munstah!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Uh-huh!"
***
"Nu! Shaddup, 'ou jus' dummeh wif dummeh bwue cowow!"
"Nu, 'ou dummeh! An' wat kinda namie am 'Wed Wocket' anyway? Soun' dummeh! Bwue Bawws am named aftah baww, which am bestes' toysie fo' Fwuffies!"
"Bawws am awso speshow wumps, dummeh!"
"Dummeh!"
"Bwue am bettah!"
"Nu, wed!"
***
"Cwip wife, nibba!"
"Nu, 'ou bwood ow 'ou bad, dummeh mawe!"
"Who 'ou cawwin' dummeh mawe, dummeh mawe?"
***
I finally got home after an exhausting night of dodging my boss' whiskey bottles
I'm ready to FINALLY just unwind with my new Fluffy frie-
WAIT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT IS THIS!?
Holy fuck what happened?
It looks like fucking Cleveland raped my apartment
To begin there's blood and shit EVERYWHERE
Also, Red Rocket AND Blue Balls are both face-down and dead in puddles of various fluids
And-
Are those tiny bullet holes?
HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN!?
'...But miraculously, in the year 20XX, the Crips and Bloods finally saw past their petty disagreements of yesterday, and joined forces to fight a bigger enemy, ISIS Fluffies, thus ending one of the longest disputes with active fighting in history.'
OOOOOOOHH SHIT, THAT FUCKING EXPLAINS A LOT
Fucking PBS, why do you have to ruin fucking EVERYTHING for me!?
There isn't enough whiskey and ladyboy prostitues to get over this debacle for me
I feel too fucking lazy to clean up this actual nightmare
Lucky my uncle taught me how to commit insurance fraud
Now where are those matches?
____________________________

Hey y'all, how we doing? Good I hope.

Yep, I got around to purchasing a new keyboard, and I'm actually working on something else Fluffy-related right now (not counting the continuation of the Apples story, which YES, I am working on, and NO, I'm NOT uploading until I've completed the series, so NO, you WON'T have to wait one month+ for each issue, and NO, I DON'T plan on taking that long to write everything)

No other plans for things to write, as always, shout out at me in the comments if you want me to write something, or leave a PM.

Other than that, be sure to leave a comment if you liked this. See you all next time!

-DB989

Comments


- Reply
Dirtbiker989: Not much to say in the comments that wouldn't be a repeat of what I said at the end of the story. But hope you enjoyed that story! Be sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed, and always feel free to suggest a story via comments or PM!
- Reply
Anonymous1: It was alriiiiiiight...

- Reply
the_dodge: too short, not funny, not really weird either. sometimes its better to think before you write
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Anonymous2: Hahaha - this made me laugh dude - Hornlarry, too lazy to sign in

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Dirtbiker989: @the_dodge: I only do those things when I'm sober, bud. But I will try to keep that in mind later.

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the_dodge: @Dirtbiker989: maybe try drinking or pills. that helps me
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Anonymous3: Stop with the .wmv shut it's stupid as shit
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FS47: We gots us a grass roots movement right here, back to old school green text! Right on, man.
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GreatFieryDongoOfDoom: Steve seems like a likeable fellow.
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Anonymous4: Was Ghetto Boyz playing in the background?
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Anonymous5: What a huge waste of meat and fur. This is why you keep fluffs in safe rooms and give them plenty of skettis, so they'll grow up to be tasty meat and warm fur.
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Anonymous6: I thought it was funny, but I love weirdbox
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Anonymous7: @Anonymous:
Stop with the .wmv shut it's stupid as shit

Second. Fuck that shit.
@FS47:
We gots us a grass roots movement right here, back to old school green text! Right on, man.

I think you mean "no school" greentext or "skipped school" greentext or GED greentext, because it's for fucking idiots who can't write a paragraph.

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FunFact: "Bwue Bawws am sowwy Wed Wocket ask too."

You are my favorite writer on this booru.
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BeefyTheHams: "Are those tiny bullet holes?!"
Kekd so hard