Lamar the Foal Guy
"Fuck fuck fuck!" said Lamar as he arrived at the alley with his chair, old plexiglass hamster cage and box with expired sketti cans only to see stains of fluffy blood everywhere with some pieces of fluff stuck to it and a dumpster full of dead shitrats. He even recognized the mangled as fuck smarty foal he wreck the day before.
"Fuck my life fam! what happened?"
Some old black guy sitting next to the steps of his house near the entrance of the alley heard Lamar
"Well how ya doin' son? what's the mattah?"
"Yo gramps did you see what happened to dem fluffies?"
"Ohhh right-right! yea one of dem shitrat cleanup peeps from downtown came last night, some white lady with red hair. She was a cold blood killa I tell ya wut! tore dem shitrats a new a-hole, didn't even let dem babbies go..."
"Well fuck" thought Lamar. For once that a fluffy control van goes into the ghetto of all the alleys full of shitrats living and shitting the place up it had to go right through the fucking one alley where he does business. Now his stock of feral mares is gone and every stray fluffy in the area that didn't get its shit kicked in has left or is hiding. Even if new ones arrive its going to take a while to teach them how business works. It took Lamar weeks to get the ferals living near this alley to understand he wanted good colored foals in exchange for the sketties and that he wasn't just giving food to any fluffy who asked. This one mare got stuck in an infinite loop asking for sketties then just saying "Wha? bu dats bestest babbeh!" everytime Lamar explained it how things worked, then asking for sketties again. She got a one-way trip to the dumpster together with the rest of her turd-colored litter while the jet black pegasus colt with a white mane that was the bestest babbeh got Lamar a cool $50 from a fluffy boutique at the mall.
"Yo did ya write down her name or sumthin? remember how she looked like?"
"Nah, and don't remembah much 'bout her face either......but she had some big ol' titties I tell ya wut! all round, bouncy an' shit. Couldn't stop looking at them funbags shaking when she stomped on dem horses heads, I do remembah that!" The old creepy guy say while holding his hands near his chest to give an idea of how big the girl's breasts were.
"Yea of course ya do..." said Lamar rolling his eyes
"Ya wouldn't think exter-minatur ladies would go around with cleavage like that, not in my days no sir!. Not much of an ass on her but not bad for a honky. Ya think dem titties were real? or sum of dem fake plastic ones they got nowdays?"
"Wha....da fuck I'm supposed to kno dat?"
"Oh man can't stop thinking about dem big ginger tiddies peeking from under that shirt! and dat side-boob on dem overalls! Oh lawdy I might get an erecshun for once in a year, praise Je-sus!"
"Don't think the Lord is happy 'bout an old fart like ya looking at young girl cans and asking him fo' a stiffy pops. I wouldn't talk so much 'bout dem tatas at church either..."
"Hey ya think if she comes back I could ask her to pop her top off and show me dem jugs? you know do sum 'seniors outreach' and jiggle them out or something? sum nipple fo' charity an' shit? maybe jus' let me squish dem a bit. Imma an old man don't have too much time left! just let me motorboat dem boobs! hehe..."
"Dayum you nasty as fuck pops! wa' happen to old folks being all wise an' shit?"
"Lil' nigguh wha wiseness you want from an ol' negro like me? I ain't socritees or sumthin, don't have time to think 'bout any philo-sophy shit, got my mind on the contents of that over the shoulder boulder holder!"
"Damn why am I even still talkin' to you? you sure got sum obsesshun with tits..."
"Mothafucka I been married to the same cranky-ass bitch for 40 years and she flat as pancakes!"
"Whateva, later codger"
"What now?" thought Lamar. He could go to another alley and start again but that meant going a day without money until he got the shitrats to trust him and learn how the system works, and he needed some income and fast after blowing the cash he got last time on some new digs.
As he walked down the street he saw a Foal-in-a-Can machine. Tons of them all over the south side, cheap fluffies for customers who don't want to pay the insane prices of the mall but don't want a stray shitrat full of diseases or an ugly broken one from the shelter. But these ones actually have a chance, nobody in this part of town is going to spend money to torture a shitrat when you can get a stray for free around the corner. Whoever puts a fiver on one of these machines plans to keep it as a pet, however the machines at the mall? those foals are doomed. Kids only buy those cheap foals to kill them since finding a stray fluffy in the nice parts of town is like finding a brother with a PhD working at KFC. Lamar remembers seeing some teens buying a red foal from the machine at the parking lot of the mall just to pop it out and tear it to pieces right in front of the other foals in the machine.
Suddenly some guy in a jumpsuit showed up holding a bag, he took a key from his pocket and opened the machine.
"Hol up, is that....? Jose? from school? yo Jose!"
"Yo dawg it's me, Lamar! from senior year remembah?"
"Hey man, yeah I remember, how you been bro?"
"Just....hangin', how 'bout you? working with fluffies?"
"Nah I'm just the clean-up guy, get rid of the expired foals"
"Sooo what you take them back or...?"
"Haha nope, these ones here are unsold and going straight to the dumpster, spoiled product get it? not even worth the cost of shipping them back. After I'm done some other guys will arrive with a refill for the machine, fresh newborn chirpies straight from the factory just like these used to be about two weeks ago."
At that moment Lamar got an idea
"So I been thinkin' hear me out: how 'bout instead of just killing dem ponies you give 'em to ya friend Lamar here?"
"Sure man, I need the cans though, to put new foals inside"
"No prob fam"
"One thing tho..."
"You have to de-cork them bro"
"The cork man, they are full of shit"
"Heh, just like any fluffy bruh"
"Hah, yeah no for real, see how bloated they are? that's because they are full of shit, like literally. You have to hold each one carefully at arms length and pull the cork off to let the shit out."
"Yeah well is either do it or let them die"
"Can't I like, let the owners do it?"
"They are unstable as hell man, look"
Jose picks a can with a yellow and green unicorn filly bloater inside, pops the lid
"Yaaaay! fanks fo' lettin babbeh out of bad housie! be nyu daddeh?"
Jose ignored the filly, why engage it all?
"Alright now watch this..."
He simply tossed the filly with an underhand motion
"EEEEEEE! nu am wingie babbeh!"
It exploded as it touched the floor like a cheap water balloon filled with liquid shit. The deflated filly was torn in half, the back side weggies kicking the air while the front half of the foal squirmed like crazy and yelled its tiny lungs out.
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEE! *haf* *haf* *haf* *haf* EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee...."
"That's why you de-cork them bro"
"Dayum! aight just let me help you with da cans and I'll do the thing later at my place"
"Sure, got something to carry the foals with?"
"Well I use this old plastic cage here but its too small, I mean how many foals are we talkin' bout?"
"This machine barely got any sales, about........60? or 50-something"
"Sheeeeeit, aight let me look around for a box or sumthin'"
Lamar started helping Jose take the cans out the machine, open the lids then toss the dead foals into the dumpster and put the live ones in the box then put the cans in the bag.......or toss it in the trash unopened with foal and everything if the fluffy got the cork out itself and the can was full of shit. One green colt was actually barely alive by keeping its tiny head above the pool of shit inside the can.
"Huuuhuuuu pwease hewp babbeh! poopie wawa bad fo' fwuffy!"
"Fuuuuuck that! toss it in the garbage Lamar"
"Nuuu! nuu weave babbeh! pwase take poopie wawa ou' of housie! wet babbeh guEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"So wha' happens to dat shitrat now?"
"Well if it drowns in its own shit it will die inside the can. If its really unlucky the crash cracked the plastic and drained the can so instead of drowning it will slowly starve inside the can. Seen it before, cans with mummified foals still inside"
"Dayun that's some worldstar shit! you aight homie?"
"Yeah its just shitrats bro, big deal"
"Well I'm done here, gonna go back home"
"Aight, hey thanks for the free foals Jose"
"No prob man, thanks for helping clearing up the machine and stuff"
"Ain't no thang, see ya later Jose"
Right then a bloated purple pegasus filly with a pink mane looked up from the box at Lamar
"Nyu daddeh? hewp fwuffy with poopie pwace huwties?"
"Suuuuu hungee..." said a blue earthie colt
"Nee nummies!" yelled an orange colt
"Yo enough!" said Lamar and the fluffies went quiet except for the usual "huuhuu" sound
Lamar was thinking: first things first was going back to his building, get the foals into the laundry room to decork them because there's no way in hell he was going to do that shit in his apartment. Next he would buy some fresh kibble from the store, nothing fancy just can't risk giving the foals the expired sketti cans or else they could get sick during the sale and shit all over the store desk. After that a quick clean up and they would be ready for phase two: sure these foals were above-average compared to the regular mangy feral you saw starving in the streets but they weren't nearly as good as the bestest babbehs he got from the strays. The colors were meh, not shit but nothing to call home about, the orange colt for example was dull as fuck. Because of that he had to take the foals to get spruced up, make them look they are worth more than they actually do and not like some basic shitrats off a vending machine which is what they were.
"To the barbershop it is then"