Renfest_0717 abuse author:deadweight bum cannibalisim central_park fluffies-as-food homeless hugbox new_york_city questionable


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The Siege of Central Park (A Bait & Switch Tale)

Part 1

By Deadweight

A little over a month has passed since Horace lead the bums of NYC in the fluffy slaughter. He has become a bit of a folk hero to the homeless populace, his plan ensured enough meat to go around for weeks. T-Bones man came through on the freezer, they had it stashed in the basement of a condemned building in Morningside Heights. Horace and Sierra have been kicking around from park to alley, welcomed into any hobo camp they find. They continue to hunt, taking down ferals as a team to fill their bellies. The two of them are as content as they can be. One day as Horace walks out of Marcus Garvey Park, he is stopped by a patrolman.

“Hey buddy, don’t I know you? Yeah I remember kicking you out of another park.”

Horace squints at the officer and shakes his head.

“Officer Winslow, right? You following me you old grunt?”

Officer Winslow smiles and points at Horace.

“You wouldn’t happen to be Horace Pelton, would you?”

Horace narrows his eyes in suspicion.

“And what if I am?”

Officer Winslow chuckles.

“C’mon man, everybody heard about that lil cattle drive you pulled. The road commissioner has some choice words for you about that gravel spill on the parkway.”

Horace starts to back up and get defensive and Winslow puts his hands up.

“Hey, easy man. I’m not here to bust your balls. I just thought you'd like to know, the mayor is looking for you. He told every captain in the city to make sure you get the message.”

Horace scoffs at this and shakes his head.

“If the mayor expects me to pay for damages, he is gonna be very disappointed.”

Winslow shrugs and reaches into his pocket to hand him a laminated card.

“Dunno man. All the captain told us was if we found you, to give you this pass for city hall and to tell you the mare has a proposal for you. Go or don’t, I did my job.”

Horace takes the card and Officer Winslow nods before walking on. Horace stares at the card deep in thought before Sierra chimes in.

“Evyting otay, daddeh? Gun go see mistuh mayo?”

Horace smiles at her pronunciation and thinks long on her question.

“Maybe we should go see what this mayor has to say.”


A day later, Horace stands outside city hall. His friend Tawfiq the cabby has a lot of contacts in public transit and through a series of cab rides, free subway transfers and some bus tokens, makes his way south to city hall. Horace looks up at the imposing building and sighs.

“Now or never, Sierra.”

Sierra nods and gets a determined look on her face as Horace climbs the stairs and enters the building to the security checkpoint.

“Sir, you can’t be in here without authorization.”

A large man steps up to Horace and puts his hand on his chest. Horace smiles and pulls out the card Officer Winslow gave him. The large man inspects the card and calls someone on his radio. After a brief back and forth, he leads Horace to a side door.

“This way, Mr. Pelton.”

Horace follows the man and calms a nervous Sierra until they are lead into a large office where sits Mayor Alfonso Deluca. He looks up from his paperwork to remark.

“Is this the guy?”

The large man nods and Mayor Deluca stands and comes around the desk, smiling and wagging his finger.

“Mr. Pelton, a lot of people wanna have words with you. That stunt you and your friends pulled cost the city money. Hell, the people at River State Park weren’t too happy about cleaning up all that blood at the tennis courts. But I know a sharp mind when I see it in action and you sir, are a problem solver.”

Alfonso pours two glasses of bourbon and offers Horace one, sitting on the edge of his desk and waving the large man off. When he leaves, Sierra wiggles her head out of the coat.

“Daddeh, am dis mistuh mayo?”

Alfonso blinks in surprise and laughs, reaching out to feed her a candy from his desk.

“Hello there, pretty girl. I’m the mayor and I wanted to talk to your daddy about a plan I have.”

The mayor waves to a chair and Horace sits and pulls Sierra onto his lap as she nibbles the candy.

“So what's this plan you got and what's it got to do with me not going to jail?”

Mayor Deluca smiles and sips his bourbon.

“You see, ever since the cities new policies on the homeless were put into action, things have taken an unexpected turn.”

Mayor Deluca turns his laptop around and shows Horace some drone footage of Central Park. The place is overrun with ferals.

“See, since we kicked you all out of Central Park, the fluffy populace exploded. At last estimate there may be as many as a couple thousand ferals running around the park, maybe even more. They are plastering the place with shit, torn up the vegetation and then the other day, I get reports of purple lightning coming from Cleopatra's Needle at sunset!”

Horace sips his drink and looks at the surveillance, fluffies congregate in large groups and have stripped some of the grassy parts to mud already. The place is a mess and Horace shakes his head.

“Again, that sucks and all, but what's it got to do with me?”

Alfonso puts down his drink and sighs, the smile fading.

“It’s come to my attention that my new policies may have been, short sighted. Central Park is a huge point of pride to the city and I will be damned if I’m the mayor who let’s it go to shit.”

Horace looks at Alfonso, waiting for him to get to the point.

“So, what I propose is a new policy, one that helps the homeless. You and I can hammer out the details in exchange for one thing. You and your friends clean out Central Park of all the fluffies. I’ll give you anything within reason, do we have a deal?”

Horace chuckles, finishes his bourbon and sets the glass down.

“OK, Mr. Mayor. Let’s negotiate.”


It’s after dark when the towncar with government plates drops Horace back at Marcus Garvey Park. He lights a smoke and calls Darnell.

“Hey man, it’s Horace. We need a meet, got big news for everyone. Get em all here in the morning.”

Darnell agrees and they end the call. Horace turns into the treeline and walks quietly.

“Huuhuu, fwuffeh nu wike dawk times! Wan housie an numm-”


Horace picks up the still twitching feral he found lamenting its plight and heads back to camp to fix dinner, Sierra drooling already.


It’s bright and early the next day, Horace brews some shitty coffee as the others start to gather. T-bone arrives and sits down.

“Alright, Horace. What's so damn important I gotta be here at the asscrack of dawn?”

Horace offers some coffee and produces a piece of thick cut, official looking paper.

“Yesterday, I’m walkin outta here and some beat cop hands me a pass, telling me the mayor wants to see me. Now I get there and no shit, the mayor offered me a deal.”

The others look around and mumble amongst themselves.

“What kinda deal?”

Sharon leans in to glance at the paper.

“The mayor has a proposition for all of us. Since he kicked us out of Central Park, it’s been over run by ferals. The whole place is infested and covered in shit. He wants us to go in and exterminate every last one of them.”

They all mutter and talk until Whiskey Pete speaks up.

“And what do we get out of it? They gonna jail us all again for trespassing when we done?”

Horace smiles and holds up the paper.

“The mayor and I hammered out some terms. In exchange, he will repeal the current policy, provide us with job training, provide us all a voucher for a tent and offer us bi-monthly care packages and health screenings. He also says we can stay in the North Woods as long as we don’t trash it.”

This sparks a lot of debate from the others as a grey haired hippy looking bum snatches the paper from Horace. Chill Bill had been a lawyer, but his life went to shit after he was disbarred for being high all the time. He squints and pours over the fine print.

“Holy shit, this things legit! It’s got the governor's signature and is even notarized! This thing looks pretty ironclad, Horace. How the hell did you manage this?”

Horace smiles and lays out some strips of fluffy bacon he carved off a mare's back that morning to sizzle on his camp stove.

“The mayor is desperate, he doesn't want the park situation to ruin his image. It’s all about appearances in politics. So, whatcha guys think? Wanna take back the park?”


Almost a week of intense planning and negotiations follow. Horace coordinates the bums into a seek and destroy fluffy killing machine. Blueprints and aerial photos pinpoint high target areas. Chill Bill is giving the mayors lawyers a run for their money on the contract and the chief of police has given the bum's access to the impound facility to pick out some weapons, no guns though. Horace insists they bring Officer Winslow along and a tech guy with access to a drone. A city wide notice of the parks closure is broadcast on tv and radio to make sure the park is empty and a squad of officers is assigned perimeter patrol. A large shipment of fluffycide is brought in and the entire perimeter of Central Park is covered in a coating of it.

The day of the hunt arrives and the mayor has all the bums gathered at Carnegie Hall for one last briefing. 200 hobos sit joking and passing cheap whiskey around as Mayor Deluca takes his podium.

“Alright everyone, this is it. The biggest cooperative effort between the city and the homeless in NYC history. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but this is our city, all of us. And I for one will be damned if I let those shit-rats run us out of our park! You’ve each been given a tent, supplies and MRE’s to last a week.”

Alfonso points to a young nebbish looking man who steps up.

“This is Kevin Nedry, he is your tech support for this. You all have radios and Kevin here will be broadcasting updates to you from the Arsenal. Kevin will be flying a drone over the park for live updates. Apart from him the only personnel in the park will be the zookeepers.”

Mayor Deluca points to a man in uniform as Kevin sits back down.

“Officer Winslow will be your police liaison inside the park. This won’t be easy, it won’t be pretty and it may take you days. But if we succeed here, it will be a triumph to share with the whole city. Good luck and good hunting.”


It’s just before dawn when two city busses pull up at W 59th & Center Drive, bums start filing out and heading into the park. Horace slings his pack over his shoulder and heads into the trees after checking his walkie talkie. Bums spread out along the southern edge of the park and ready their weapons. There will be little strategy at the beginning as they exterminate and drive the survivors north. Horace glances up as a drone zips over head, Kevin is busy at work monitoring the ferals movements. He stops when he feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to see Officer Winslow smiling at him.

“Helluva thing, eh Horace? Just like being back in the sandbox.”

Horace chuckles.

“Least it ain’t as damn hot as it was there, no sand in my boots either. Good hunting, grunt.”

The two share a nod of respect and part ways. Horace makes his way to The Cop Cot and lights a Chesterfield a he looks out at the nature before him.


Horace smiles and turns his head as distance cries carry over the quiet park in the pre dawn light, blood has been drawn. It’s like music to Sierra’s ears which perk up and flit as she smiles and begins to salivate.

“Time fow huntin dummehs, daddeh?”

Horace smiles and is about to reply when a fuschia and green unicorn comes bursting from the bushes and runs towards the gazebo.

“HAF HAF HAF! Nice mistuh, hewp fwuffeh! Su many meanie hoomins! Huuhuu, fwuffeh su scawed, nu wan huwties!”

The unicorn hugs Horace's leg tight in fear, hoping it has found its salvation.

“Sniff, meanies gif huwties tu bestest speshuw fwiend, Pwease hewp fwu-”




Horace pulls the bucknife from the unicorns skull and watches it collapse and convulse in nervous twitches before it stills. Horace kicks it into the grass before it can shit on the gazebo and wipes off his knife before petting Sierra and flicking out his Chesterfield.

“Yeah, Sierra. Time to hunt dummies.”

To Be Continued


- Reply
deadweight: Horace and Sierra are on the hunt again! Stay tuned, the carnage is about to begin!
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Anonymous1: Yeah, dis gunna be gud

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guodzilla: Oooooooooooooooo, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhh...
(Eyes glint with eager, malicious anticipation)

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Yiss: i slightly worry that sierra may get hurt in this...colors mixed against red brown and...god knows what else could earn her a knife to the face..sadly ;-;
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deadweight: @guodzilla: You'll just have to wait and see!

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guodzilla: @deadweight: Heeeeeee!!! (Salivates)
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deadweight: @Yiss: Stay tuned, don't count the little monster out just yet!
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Au: Another awesome story
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deadweight: @Au: tyty

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FluffyFoals: Exciting, I wonder what's gonna happen next!

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guodzilla: @deadweight: purple lightning from the Needle...Merlin's work,I'd wager?
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deadweight: @guodzilla: heh, yes. It's a nod to the events in Strange Magic

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FluffyPuncher: they crapped up my park
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deadweight: @FluffyPuncher: Vengeance is coming
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Anonymous2: @FluffyPuncher: More than the homeless crackheads and the faggots fucking in the bathrooms and the bije-riding Jew hipsters everywhere?
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Clockworkfluffy: The rivers will run red with fluffy blood! I love it!
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deadweight: @Clockworkfluffy: It will be glorious
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Anonymous3: Really like this.

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FluffyPuncher: @Anonymous: ok. the hipsters really shit things up, but they don't smell like fluffy shit.
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Anonymous4: Fine work.
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Anonymous5: @FluffyPuncher: Lol everything smells like shit and piss in NYC.
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UACMarine: So is Officer Winslow Horace's old CO or something? Also very excited to see this progress.
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deadweight: @UACMarine: no, they just both served in different units in afghanistan. Horace was 401st and Officer winslow was in the 503rd.
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UACMarine: @deadweight Oh so this story is like in 2040?
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deadweight: @UACMarine: yes, right around there