Fluffies in Germany
Rosie was so happy! Today the meanie hoomin had let her and her family out! She was born into the dark room, her parents had told her, that their parents had
come from another place, but Rosie’s home was the dark room. Now she had babbehs of her own and the best special friend ever! She had four babbehs, red, blue,
pink like her and green like her special friend. She also still had her mummah and her brother and sister. Her sister had a family of her own, two foals, blue
and violet, but her brother had none. The meanie hoomin had taken his no-no-stick so he could not have special huggies and with that no babbehs! Still, they
were a happy family. Others in the dark room didn’t have that good. Sometimes there came other meanie hoomins and started to hurt other fluffies! They even
gave them forever sleepies! But not her family. Everytime a meanie hoomin came and pointed at them, the normal hoomin had said something about breeder and
that the rest Rosie didn’t understand. They always talked in a scary voice and Rosie didn’t understand them. But one day, another meanie came into the room
and yelled strange things. When the normal hoomin heard that he became very strange and scared. Then they opend the cages.
“Get out of here now! Zhere is ze door and zhere will be a forest! You will all go there!”
All the fluffies shit themselves because of the angry yelling, but not the family of Rosie. They had waited for this day. They were the first to bust trough
the opened door, through the garden and into the forest. When she looked back Rosie saw many vroom-munstahs around the housie and strange hoomins. They wore
strange blue clothing and some of them had strange thingies on their heads.
“Schaut, dass keine Fluffies entkommen! Wenn ihr eins erwischt, dann sofort umbringen! Die dürfen nicht in die freie Wildbahn entkommen!“
Rosie didn’t understand what the strange hoomins said, but she didn’t care. They were free now, they could raise the babbehs and would never have to fear the
meanies again. They were free…
The forest was beautiful. Flowers and trees everywhere, singing birds and a warm wind. The babbehs played and Rosie gave them milkies. In the evening they
searched a safe place. They found a bunch of logs with a gap between them. They put some moss, leaves and grass in them and soon they had a comfy home. They
were a small herd now, Rosie, her babbehs and special friend, her mummah, her sissy and her brotha, two mares, a toughie and a smarty. They would now all
live in peace in harmony.
The night was dark and scary, strange sounds everywhere. But Rosies special friend told her not to woryy.
“Wiww pwotect yu and babbehs. Am nu wongew in da meani housie. Now hewd wiww gwow big ans stwong!”
The next morning he went off to search for food. He was pretty confident, he was a big blue unicorn with a yellow mane and he was very strong. But now he had
to get nummies for his family! He wandered for a while, but he only found old leaves and patches of grass! There had to be berries! They could eat grass and
stuff, but Rosie needed best nummies to make best milkies for babbehs to grow big and strong. But there were none! Then, he saw them! The prettiest flowers he
had ever seen. The hoomin had some in the dark room near the light-hole, but these were fare more prettier! He rushed to them, and started to gather some.
He heard the sound of wawa, he could see a fast-wawa near the flowers. He looked out not to fall into it, and gathered more. The whole plucking made him
hungry. Maybe Rosie didn’t need all the nummies. He would just eat one now and then the leftovers later. By the way, they were just too pretty to not num them.
They were blue like him so that mant they were for him! The nibbled a whole flower, it didn’t taste that good but now he felt his hunger stilled. But then…
A strange feeling. His mouth suddenly tingled and he soon didn’t feel his tongue and lips anymore! Then he felt sick and had to make sickie-wawas. He began
to be very nervous and his thinkie-place began to feel unpleasant. His heartie began to race and panicked! What should he do?! He decided that he felt thirsty
and tumbled to the fast-wawa and began do drink. But he couldn’t really bring the wawa in his tummy! He couldn’t bring it down his throat, what was wrong?!
He wanted to scream for Rosie to give him huggies but no sound escaped his throat. He started to breath heavily but no air came inside of him. He stumbled over
and fell on his side. His tummy felt very painful but he could not scream. The last thing he could see before everything became dark was the pretty blue flower.
Death 1: Poisoning through Aconitum napellus, called monk's-hood, aconite, or wolfsbane.
Rosie became very worried when her special friend didn’t return, but she nummed some of the grassies they found. It was then when the smarty decided to act.
“Hewd has tu go now. Am stiww cwose tu dummeh-hoomin housie. Hav tu go mowe away!”
With these words the herd started to wander. The Smarty didn’t like the crying Rosie and gave her a sorry-boop on her snout.
“Stop cwying, dat wont bwing yu speciaw fwiend back! But yu babbie stiww need daddeh. Am yur new speciaw fwiend now!”
“Nuuuu…Nu want nu speciaw fwiend…Wan Bwue back…”
“Dummeh mawe! Am Smawtys mawe now!”
He wanted to mount her right now, but they still had to move. While they wandered trough the spruce forest they were very scared. But not Rosies bestest
babbeh. The pink filly had the conviction that the whole world was hers. While her mother and the rest of the herd had a break in a small meadow, she wandered
off. While she wandered, looking at the sky and flowers, she heard a noise. A squeaking and rustling from behind some bushes. When she wandered there she saw
something funny! Brown fluffy-like thingies! They were only a little bit bigger than her and had white stripes on their back. They made funny noises, so what
were they…Toysies! The filly ran towards them, trying to hug them, but they instead squeaked louder and ran away!
“DUMMIEHS COME BAK TO BESTEST BABBEH! YU AM TOYSIES NOW COME BAK!”
The Dummies ran to a big fluffy. It was brown as well but its face was a monster!
“Dummeh munsta nu can huwt bestes babbeh! Gonny giv yu sowwy-poopies!”
The dummeh giant-fluffy with the munstah-face looked at it angry and ran towards it.
“Yus, bestest babbeh gunna giv su wostest huwties an…”
Death 2: Being ripped apart by a female Wild boar
Now even her bestes Babbeh was gone! Rosie couldn’t stop crying. Would all run away from her?! The smarty told her to shut up and move on. Crying she let
her remaining babbehs climb on her back and they moved on. Soon the forest was gone and they walked trough a wonderful meadow! Flowers and bugsies everywhere
and they laughed as they played huggie-tag between the flowers. Meanwhile on a track across the fields, two elderly hoomin- ladies walked.
“Also hab ich dem natürlich sofort gesagt, das geht so nicht, ich will jetzt dass er mir den Camembert einpackt und nicht den Brie also hab ich…
„Martha, schau mal dahinten in der Wiese.“
„Was ist da, ich sehe nichts…Oh Herr im Himmel. Fluffies!? Hier?!“
„Ach Gottchen, das sind die ersten von diesen Drecksviechern die ich hier jemals gesehen hab! Lock sie mal an, dran kümmern wir uns um sie.“
„Mach ich. Weiß ja aus den Nachrichten wie man das machen muss. Hey little Fluffies! I have a whole bag of zhe sketties right here!“
When the little herd heard the magic words and saw the nice- smiling hoomins, they ran towards them, screaming ‘Skettis’ ‘Huggies’ and ‘New Mummah?’
“Yes come here, come to Mummah… Erledige als erstes das Einhorn da, das scheint der Smarty zu sein.”
„Wie soll ich das machen?“
„Einfach drauftreten, die Viecher sind fragiler als dein Tortenboden.“
„Deiner ist auch nicht besser, also bitte! Ich ramm einfach meinen Gehstock ihm in den Rücken, das dürfte reichen!“
„Dummeh owd hoomin giv Skettis and bestest housie now, ow Smawty wiww give wostest owwies!”
“And how do you want to do zhat?”, the Lady asked with a strong accent.
The Smarty stormed at the hoomin, his cheeks puffed and his eyes glowing from anger, but then came the other hoomin. She took a swing with her cane and aimed
at the Smarty.
Death 3: Sever organ damage, caused by being impaled by the wooden walking cane of the 78-year Helene Schneider
The herd quickly disbanded, running away from the slow old ladies, while shitting all over the meadow.
“Die hatten Recht, diese Viecher sind eine echte Plage. Also wo war ich stehen geblieben? Ach ja , der Käse auf dem Markt…“
After they had run as fast as they could they all cried and hugged each other, the toughie declared himself the next smarty and they moved on. They walked
for a while over the fields, nummed grassies and drank wawa from a ditch and soon forget their fear and sorrow.
There was a reason, why the brightest colors may be pretty in a safe house with a loving owner, but were a huge disadvantage in the open field. The Buzzard
saw them from a great distance and saw that they had small, moving creatures with them. Small enough for him. He dived to the ground, the blue foal of
Rosies sister in his eye.
Death 4: Being eaten alive by the chicks of a Buzzard after being dragged to its nest.
They didn’t even realize the foal was gone and continued their way. Soon they reached a road. Of course they didn’t know what that was so they continued
their way. Unfortunately, Germany is a country of car-lovers. This particularly one used the chance of being allowed to drive 100km/h on the street. It was
a sunny day and he didn’t expect any deer or other animals to be on the street so he drove fast and enjoyed the speed. When he saw the colorful patches of
fluff on the street, he knew what they were. He didn’t hit the brakes. He hit the gas.
Death 5: Destruction of the entire body by being hit by a BMW X6 an 130 km/h.
Death 6: Destruction of all vital organs after being dragged several meters by a BMW X6.
Death 7: Heart stopped working because of the shock of watching a relative being obliterated by a car.
Now Rosie had the worst heart-hurties. First her special friend was gone, then her bestest babbeh and now her mummah, the other mare and her sissy! The now
smaller herd continued their trail, crying and wailing as they wandered through the land. It became evening again, dark clouds gathering at the sky and soon
rain came pouring down on them.
“Huhuuuuu…Wawa bad fow fwuffy…Wy sky is meanie…?”
“Mummah nu know babbeh. Maybe sky is cwying because of aww da fwuffies taking foweva sweepies?”
“Babbeh nu wanna takie foeweva sweepies mummah.”
“Nu wowwy babbeh! Mummah wiww pwotect yu and giv yu miwkies so dat yu gwong big and stwong!”
As they walked trough the wet fields, a cold wind came. Well, It actually was only wa a warm summer-rain, but for fluffies even this was a catastrophe.
Rosies foals tried to snuggle themselves into the mane and back-fluff of their mother, but then a cold breeze came, tearing the little bit of warm, their
small bodies had, from them. Two foals formed a little fluff-pile near the mane of their mother, but for the green one it was too late. The little colt became
colder and colder.
Death 8: Hypothermia caused by a summer rain and a light wind at the temperature of 27 C°
When they had their next break, Rosie had even bigger heart-hurties! Her pretty little, dancie, green pointy-baby had taken forever sleepies! Again, the
small family cried and she tears. Now only she, her three babbehs, one mare, her brotha, one of her sissys babies and the toughie were left. He declared
himself the new smarty and found a rubbish bin! They couldn’t knock it down, but they managed to get some banana peels and a half-eaten sandwich out of it.
The new Smarty declared that he and the mares would eat first, then Rosie’s castrated brother. While they feasted on the rubbish, the violet foal, the last
reminder of Rosie’s sister wandered off. It had heard the cheering and laughing of hoomin kids! It had filled the small heart of the violet filly and it
wandered to the source of the sound. It followed the path for a while and she saw them! A bunch of boys running around, kicking a ball! Maybe they would play
with her? Of course! They were children, the best friends of foals and they would love her and give her the best huggies! The violet filly entered football
ground, it was so pretty! Green grassies everywhere!
“Hewwo new daddehs! Am Babbeh!”
The boys stopped, one grabbed the ball, and they were all looking strange at her. This had to be because they never had seen such a pretty babbeh like her!
“Was ist das? Sieht aus als wär eins der Plüschtiere von meiner Schwester abgehauen!”said one with pretty blond hair.
„Das ist so ein Baby-Fluffy, du weißt schon, aus Amerika! Die sind doch hier in Deutschland schwer verboten.“, answered another one, with a FC Bayern München T-Shirt.
„Mein Papa hat gesagt, dass man die sofort umbringen soll, die machen anscheinend den Wald und sowas kaputt wenn man sie leben lässt.“ Said one with a Colour of
pale poopies and black fluff on his head.
„Ernsthaft jetzt? So welche hässlichen Kuscheldinger sollen den Wald kaputtmachen?“ the blond one asked.
„Ich hab so ein Video angesehen, wo erklärt wird, dass die sich verbreiten wie Kakerlaken, alles vollscheissen und die Pflanzen wegfressen. Anscheinend sollen sie
auch ihre Jungen töten wenn den ihre Farbe ihnen nicht gefällt. Und sie denken, dass Huggies, also so mädchenhafte Umarmungen alle Probleme lösen.“ Answered the
one with the T-shirt.
Some of the boys suddenly looked disgusted and angry.
“Ist ja widerwärtig. Wir lassen uns nicht hier den Bolzplatz vollkacken!“ shouted the blond one.
The boys cheered angrily and one of them ran towards the filly. She suddenly didn’t feel so happy anymore.
“Verpiss dich du hässlicher Fell-Ball!”
Death 9: Destruction of all vital organs caused by landing after being kicked by an young footballer and flying for 20 meters.
The disappearance of the last reaming babbeh of her sister remained unnoticed by Rosie and the small herd. They slept well, but the stallion, robbed of
his pathetic fluffy-manhood didn’t find any sleep. He was being abused by the new smarty, he gave him sorry-hoofies occasionally and that meanie called
him nu-no-no-stick-dummeh and that gave the Stallion many heart hurties! He could not have done anything when that munstah took his special lumps when
he was still suckling milkies! Now he was very sad. He had been happy when his family had escaped that scary munstah-housie but now many of them had gotten
forever-sleepies! He silently stood up and went away from the small fluff-pile that had formed beneath the small hedge near the football field and
wandered off. His fear of the darkness was great, but feeling of loneliness and loss that teared itself through his little heart was greater. He walked
on the small way near a street. Sometimes lights from munstahs flashed up and disappeared into the darkness. Then he saw it. Under the light of a lonely
street lantern was another rubbish bin: This one wasn’t filled with half-eaten food but surrounded by four strange brown glassie things. When the Stallion
inspected them he could smell that they smelled like the wawa that the hoomins back in the meanie-housie often drank. When he looked closer at the bottle
he could see that there was a small picture with a golden old hoomin on it! He was golden, like his fluff! That meant that he could drink this wawa too!
He pushed down one of the things and he could see that some of the smellie-wawa poured out of it. He started to lick the drops and soon all of the
glassie-things were empty. The Stallion now felt very funny and he started to sing. But then he stopped. He suddenly couldn’t see right anymore, everything
was blurred and he couldn’t stand good anymore. Then he felt the pain in his tummy. He made lots of sickie-wawas and began to feel really, really bad. Then
he fell down and didn’t feel anything anymore.
Death 10: Cardiac arrest caused by the consumption of 230 ml of ‘Paulaner Yeast White Beer Natural Turbid’
The nest morning. There had been no rain during the night and it was warm and comfy for the little herd.
“Bwudda? Bwudda wewe am yu?! Hide-pway is nu funny anymowe!”
Rosie was in absolute panic. Her brother, her last reaming relative she had except her babbehs, was gone. But her babbehs needed a big family so that
they could play all the time! The Smarty just shook his head.
“Nu-no-no-stick-dummeh wun away. Maybe nu wanna wive wif hewd. Dummeh…”
Rosie didn’t believe that. How could her brother, her golden, lovable brother just go away like that!?
“Yus wed pointy babbeh?”
“Tummy make huwties! Is buwnie an icky!”
“Is time fow miwkies! Come to mummahs miwkie-pwace!”
Both thought that the cold feeling the little filly had was simply her hunger for milkies. It wasn’t. You see, because of the warm night, gnats had
the perfect time to strive for their desire: Blood. The exposed belly of the little bio-toy had been perfect, it had smelled delicious for the little
insects and several of them had feasted on the filly during the night. Rosie hugged her little filly and sung her mummah-song, but the whining of the
filly wouldn’t stop. Weren’t her huggies and song not enough for her babbeh?!
“Babbeh am quiet nuw! Mummah nu wann heaw cywing anymowe!”
“But mummah, tummy make wostest ictchies and owwies!”
“Nu cawe! Mummah gav huggies, miwkies and bestest songies but babbeh stiww hav huwties! Den babbeh is wying tu mummah! Yu am wowstest babbeh now!”
“NUUUUUUU! Babbeh nu am wying! Pwease mummah pwease…“
Rosie hit the snout of her filly with her leathery hoof.
“Nu mowe tawkies fwom wed babbeh! Yu am quiet now!”
“Huhuuuuuu…Now babbeh haw wowstest huwties AND wowstest heawt-huwties….huhuuuuu…”
The small herd continued its search for the perfect safe-place and soon they encountered humans again. These two were different. They were young woman,
two students from the university in the near big city, and they had never seen fluffies before. But unlike the two old ladies and the boys, they had
a different set of mind. They would have been hugboxers if it wouldn’t be so hard to get a fluffy in this country. The laws were very strict about
fluffies. The only source for them was the BFBA, the federal-fluffy-breeding-institute, and the only fluffies that would leave the buildings would be
sterilized fluffies without smarty-syndrome. You needed to apply for one and if you would be so lucky and get one, it would need a chip, a collar with
your address and you had to make sure that it would not disturb others. So these two young ladies had always wanted fluffies and now there were some
right in front of them.
“Boah, schau mal sind die niedlich!”
„Die haben keine Halsbänder, das sind Wilde! Komm wir retten sie, die werden sonst noch umgebracht!“
„Hello little guys! Do you want to come home with us?“
Rosie and the herd started to smile.
“Weavy?! Nu make huwties?!”
The woman kneeled down.
“Oh look at you! You are sooooo cute!”
“Dank yu nice wady. Am yu new mummah!”
The woman squaled happily.
“Yes! I even have spaghetti at home!”
“Sketties?! WUV SKETTIS! WUV NEW MUMMAH!”
“Ohhh die sind so süß!”
„Now come, lets go to you new home and…“
“He, was soll der Scheiss!”
The woman looked around. Two young men were coming their way. One of them was a huge guy, had glasses and an angry face. The other one was smaller,
had a black beard and a pissed of face.
“Was wollt ihr?!” asked one of the women. She seemed scared.
“Fasst die Viecher nicht an, die sind bekannt dafür Parasiten und Krankheiten zu übertragen!” said the tall one.
„Verpisst euch, wir machen was wir wollen!“, screamed one woman at the young mans. She looked angry.
“Ihr wollt ein Problem? Ihr kriegt eins.”
The one with the beard took out his phone and called the police. When the women heard this, they stopped protecting the fluffies and ran away. No
cute fluffies were worth the trouble of feral-fluffy-protection, a crime that could be punished with some months in prison. Now the herd, quivering
of fear, stood in front of these angry young men.
“So, die haben gesagt wir sollen uns selbst um sie kümmern, sie schicken dann jemanden vorbei um die Kadaver einzusammeln.“
„Schön. Einfach nur schön.“
The Smarty stepped forward. He wanted to show this stupid dummies, that had scared the nice ladies away, what he thought oft them.
“DUMMEH HOOMINS MADE WADIES WIF SKETTIS GU AWAY! SMATY WIWW GIV YU WOWTEST HUWTIES!”
Both men laughed.
“Now listen here you little piece of gene-crap: Say you’re sorry or I will stain this path with your brains.”
“SMAWTY NU SAY SOWWY TU DUMMEH HOOMINS! YU AWE BAD HOOMINS AND NU NICE!”
The smaller man with the beard took out a knife and jumped at the Smarty. The little fat creature tried to turn around; releasing its typical stream
of “Sorry-poopies”, but the knife was faster. It was rammed into the head of the Smarty, lobotomizing him instantly and the Fluffy fell down, its
legs twitching and blood starting to leave its body. The man with the beard moved the knife in the Smartys skull, causing the eyes to pop out and the
skull to split.
Death 11: Destruction of the Cerebrum, caused by the Swiss Pocket knife of 21-Year old Thorben Fischer.
The other mare was the first to react.
“WUN WEGGIES! WUN AWAY!”
The mare tried to run, but the tall one was faster. He grabbed the mare at her neck while she shit herself and peed on the ground.
“You are perfect.”
The face of the mare lightened up.
“Weavy?! Nu huwties? Yu think fwuffy am pewttiest?! Be new daddeh?”
The man laughed.
“No, no, you misunderstood me. You see, I had a really shitty day at University today and you…You are perfect to let my anger flow.”
“But, but DADDEH!”
“Im not your „Daddy“. I’m just simply a very pissed of man and you are a little abomination. Do the math. “
With these words he took out a plier, a small one for wire and stuff like that, and forced open the mouth of the mare.
“Pwease nu touch teethies! Need fow nummies! Need fow SCREEEEEEE!”
The first tooth was being ripped out, then the next and the next. Soon the little mouth was full of blood and the mare cried and tried to scream. Only a gurgling
escaped her blood filled throat. She looked at the meanie huwtie-hoomin, trying to convince him with cute eyes to let her go but he just smiled happily. Then he
ripped out her Tongue.
Death 12: Drowning on her own blood after the forceful removal of all teeth and the tongue with a plier by the 20- Year old Robin Schmitz.
Rosie ran, all her babbehs on her back, and didn’t look back. She could still hear the painful screams of her friend, but she could not turn back. No. She had to
live for her babbehs. She had only Red, Grassie and Blue left. But they would be enough. They would be her family and they would live happily. So she wandered,
silently crying with worst heart hurties, but the happy babbling of her fillies and colts made her smile. Only Red, the worstest babbeh, wasn’t happy. She cried
and begged her silblings to give her huggies, but nothing worked. When Rosie put the foals down to scold Red, she was shocked. Her little babbeh had large,
blackened sores all over her tummy and she moaned of pain at every movement. Even if she was the worstest babbeh, she was still HER babbeh!
“Wut is Babbeh?! Wat is a yucky bubbews at youw tummy?!”
“Mummah…wostest owwies…Pwease…wan die…wan die…”
„Wat babbeh saying?! Nu can take foweva sweepies wike west of famiwy! Nu weave Wosie and sissie and bwudda!”
“Wan die…wan die…Wan…“
Suddenly the little red babbeh didnt move anymore. Rosie hugged her and cried.
“Wake up wittwe babbeh! Pwease fow mummah! Pwease…nu weave wike da othas…”
Death 13: Multiple organ dysfunction syndrome after a Gas gangrene.
Now they were only three. Three little, lonely fluffies wandering trough a land that hated them, despised their origin and their creators. Rosie ate many
grassies and soon her remaining babbehs ate them too, too big more milkies but soon enough there were no more tasty grassies on the little meadow. Their
travelling continued. One day, it was after a heavy rainfall, they were thirsty. But no puddles around. Only a ditch, filled with brown water. The blude
babbeh didn’t want to search for a safe place to drink, it wanted to drink and it would do it now! It wandered down near the water, but the grass slope was
full of wet grass and fluffies weren’t known for their sense of balance.
Death 14: Drowning in an irrigation ditch.
Rosie didn’t even search for her last babbeh anymore. Her hunger made her weak, making her tummy making angry noises and her last babbeh suddenly looked
very, very tasty…NO! It was her last babbeh! No mummah should do this! But…She could always find a new special friend and have babbehs, but starving because
of not wanting to survive…? She made her decision. She wanted to live.
Death 15: Being eaten alive by his own mother.
Now she was strong again. But Rosie was still hungry! As she wandered around she heard the sounds of many, many vroom-munstahs! First she hid behind a tree,
but then she smelled it. Something sweet, something very, very sweet. She overcame her fear and went on. Soon she saw the situation. On the large black-rockies
stood many vroom-munstahs but none of them were moving very fast! Some of them made very loud screams and even a fluffy could move faster than them! Then she s
aw it. A bag of yummy colourful sweets, ripped open! She had the desire and the vroom-munstahs couldn’t catch her. She went on the free part of the black-rockies
and started to feast. Unfortunately for her, Germans can be very aggressive on the streets, especially if its rush-hour and there is a big traffic jam. Some
people overreact and start to drive on the emergency lane. Poor Rosie.
Death 16: Forceful removal of the head by a Porsche Cayenne at 60 km/h.