attemp first story

Text

Comments - Download - Toggle formatting

Do as told or forever sleepies

Part 1

I'm on my way home as i walk past an alley and hear typical fluffy whining.
I thought to myself, this could be a good chance, as my last fluffy "died" recently and decided to go into the alley.
As i got nearer i could clearly hear fluffys crieing about tummy owies, no nummies or milkies.
Good, the fluffy seem to starve, that's perfect for my intentions.

I reached the fluffies and there they are, it is a green mare with 4 very young foals, a white foal with pink mane,
a blue with a hite mane, a complete green and a brown foal.
They haven't noticed me yet.

I'm quietly getting near them.
"Hello fluffies."
They make a short scream as i surprised them, the white even made scary poopies as it runs behind her mother,
the green also hides behind his mother and the other two are just staring at me not knowig what to do.
"Hello mistah." The mare greets me. "Have nummies for fluffy? Need to make milkies for babbehs!"
"Fwuffys have big tummie owies!"

All eyes are on me.
"Yes i have nummies at home."
They all seem happy and want to do a happy dance or cheer as they think i take them alle home and feed them,
as i load and sharp interrupt them.
"BUT!"
All eyes back on me a bit shocked or surprised.
"You have to do everything i say or all of you will get forever sleepies!"
The joy turns into fear and they start mumbling nu wan forever sleepies.
"And i am sorry but i only have food and can take home one of you, the others will have forever sleepies soon."
Now they are shocked an want to start to panic as i interrupt them again.
"REMEMBER! Do Everything i say and one of you will get a lot nummies, love and a new home."
"Mister nu can wub all fluffys?" The mare asks. "Nu wan babbehs to have forever sleepies."
"NO!" I shout, the mare seems to think she will be the one to survive.
"Only one and now do what i say or you will all get forever sleepies NOW!"
Uploader Waaaghlord,
Tags attemp first story
Rating
Source Unknown
Locked No

Comments


- Reply
Waaaghlord: I'm enjoing this site for some tima now and i wanted to give something back by wrtiting a story i thought, though i lack proper artist skills or equipment for pictures.
This ist just a first attempt and the best part will probably come soon. I probably made a lot mistakes especially in the "fluffy english".

- Reply
Wangew_Wick: @Waaaghlord: In that case, welcome to the Booru! Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. This chapter is really short. I'd suggest making the chapters you upload longer.

2. Make sure you stick to one tense throughout (if you start in past, stay there. If you start in present tense, stay there). Switching back and forth can be jarring to the reader.

3. If you need help with fluffspeak, Feyaschia wrote a helpful primer. >>33576

- Reply
Waaaghlord: Probably going to rework/correct it anyway once the first big part of the story is done.
And i will take some more time for the rest.
- Reply
Anonymous1: Ha
- Reply
Anonymous2(1): I love this idea actually, cant wait for part 2.
- Reply
LORD: Give blood for the blood god! Do not disappoint Khorne
- Reply
Anonymous3: "as I load and sharp interrupt them"

Nigger, what?