death fluffsplosion nature soon-mummah

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Dramatic music plays, pictures and short scenes of fluffies being grabbed by eagles, another tossed into the air by a bear, a small family in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

The camera pans over a small alleyway. A delightfully smooth British voice narrates as a silver-haired old gent steps into shot. "Welcome to this first in our series on the life of fluffies. We begin with a look into the very beginning of life for the most common of these man-made creatures, the urban fluffy.

The camera cuts to an inside view of a nearby box as an incredibly pregnant dam wiggles her little leggies singing a mummeh song to herself.

The man continues to narrate. "This specimen the crew called Seashell and" the dam begins to wiggle her legs even faster. "Hu dewe? Wut?" She butts open the box with her muzzle, swaying backward and forward on her immense stomach.

Back in the alleyway a purple muzzle and an orange mane can be seen taking in the scene. The same voice shrills "nice hooman? Be nyu daddeh?"
Mr attenborugh looks flustered. "Fluffies have an excellent sense of hearing and an extremely good idea of when they are being discussed. It's thought this was bred into the species as a survival trait. As you can see seashell here is..."
"SEASHEW WUV NYU NAME!!!"
"oh for fucks sake. Cut Clive. Cut."


We begin again. Mr Attenborough has wedged the flap of the box shut.
"Now we get a view into the nest of the a new family and..."

The box screams. "SEWSHEW NU WIKE DAWKIES PLWEASE DADDEH WET ME OWT."
"and fairly soon the miracle of.."

"DADDEH HEWP!"

"MIRACLE OF BIRTH WILL HAPPEN" continues the visibly flustered man shouting over the fluffy.
His raised voice silence the fluff for a minute.
"What this dam doesn't know is she will be raising her family alone you see sadly her partner was hit by a van a short while ago."
The camera pans to a desperate looking blue stallion, dragging a wilted looking piece of broccoli along and leaving a trail of blood from his ruined back legs. A white van with a rather portly looking sound engineer eating a bacon sandwich can be seen at the other end of the trail. He runs out of shot as soon as he realises, revealing the foot high letters "BBC" on the bonnet.

"As we can see the scavengers have already picked up on the plight of this brave fluffy who will never live to see his young family."
The stallion catches sight of the kindly looking man.
"Pwease daddeh hewp fwuffeh vroom munstah gif wowsteest owies"
The box joins in "speshaw fwend nuuu!"

Just then the blue stallion is lifted into the air by a crow, the camera follows him as he ascends into the air trailing shit, screams, brocoli and blood.

"Life is short for fluffies and as we see for this stallion he won't live long..."
The box practically vibrates as the dam calls from within
"Speshaw fwend? Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
The camera cuts back to the man, "it seems that this dam is in trouble, alone, helpless and with cats circling the box she is surely doo..."
An explosion cuts him off, the box forced open by a wash of gore and softly peeping foals.
The man claps his hand to his face and regains his composure after a moment.
"The fluffsplosion... A mystery of controlled evolution"

Another alleyway.
Mr Attenborough stands beside a large wheelie bin. A herd of fluffies mill about his feet.
"Fluffies will forage for food almost anywhere, though the fluffy stomach is delicate their dietary range is enormous. They can eat almost anything but as we see outside this Italian restaurant, their preferred diet is, for reasons unknown to science, spaghetti."

The herd all screams in unison. "SKETTI? GIF SKETTI"
"I am sorry but I don't have any spa..." The kindly old man is cut off by a bright red stallion, sparks shoot from his tiny horn.

"GIF SKETTI"
The man ignores him. "Even the very mention of the word sets the creatures on edge, we simply don't know why they..."
"HU YU TAWK TU? WEWE SKETTI?"
"As we see certain alpha males become dominant and lead feral herds like this, they act as limited brains for the group, and in return for their services get first pick of the females. This innate behaviour appearing in a domestic biotoy a creature designed from the hoof up is simply fascinating..."

The smartie charges, butting the man in the shin.
"You little bastard!" The man boots the fluffy into the alley wall, smearing him across the brickwork. "I won a BAFTA you shit... Clive err... Did you get any of that?" He asks nervously.

"No dave these this fat green one was trying to fuck the camera again..."
Uploader Flufftastic,
Tags death fluffsplosion nature soon-mummah
Rating
Source Unknown
Locked No

Comments

- Reply
Flufftastic: With apologies to Sir David Attenborough. I'm sure this has been done before but if anyone wants more I'm happy to oblige.
- Reply
PencilWingie: Loved the van.

- Reply
Manchurro: Dope. Moar!
- Reply
Nocturn: Oh hell yeah!

- Reply
Simpfan: Not bad.
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