Cognition enf herd intelligent_fluffy justice


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Cognition, Part 4

Well, it’s been a good five days since you joined the herd. Things have been going alright. You’re finding food, minding your own business, life is good. Well, it would be better if you could actually find someone to talk to. God, you wish these things didn’t have the attention span of a goldfish. You’ve lost count of how many requests to play or be a ‘special fwiend’ you had to turn down. Hell, y’even turned down Fairy’s request. She didn’t seem to mind so much, at least you two could be regular friends.

You’re starting to think you’re not the most liked Fluffy here, and that’s okay.

A light hoof to the snout suddenly snaps you to attention. “Dummeh!” Oh, god, it’s Smarty. “Nee’ get new nummies nao! Smawty want hewd to hab bestest nummies dis time!”

Is he asking you to go into the city? “Buh Smawty, dat am in ciwy! Cinnamon nu kno’ if can get nummies all da way hewe!”

You’re interrupted by another hoof. Honestly, it feels like a teeny rubber ball had bounced off you. You pretend to act hurt. “Smawty nu cawe! Jus’ bwing ciwy nummies! Nao!” And with that, he trots off.

Auuugh, god. Even if you were to find food, how would you even bring it back to the grotto? Whatever. You can probably fashion together a sled or something, maybe find a wheelbarrow? It’d be hard, but… Whatever.

Before you know it, Fairy was bouncing towards you. “Cinnamon! Wan pway? Faiwy fin’ bwokies for aww da fwiends, can pway nao!” You weren’t even aware that she had gone with some others to find toys. Out of everyone here, you can find Fairy tolerable. She’s the reason you wound up in this herd in the first place, after all. Plus, she had resolve.

You shake your head. “Nu, Cinnamon am sowwy. Nee’ find gewd nummies for hewd! Nee’ go tu da ciwy and bwing nummies home.”

“Awwwww… Otay!” Fairy smiles and gives you a brief hug. She trots off, going to play with some other Fluffies.


You don’t really know how long you’ve been walking for. Maybe half an hour, tops. When the tree line finally clears, you’re back in the park. Ah, memories. Remember when you saw that one guy kicking the shit out of other Fluffies? Good times.

You walk towards some of the buildings, and the alleyways. Hopefully there should be a restaurant around here that has a surplus of tossed food. Hopefully. Food was always abundant now these days, what with all the agricultural breakthroughs.

You walk for a little while longer, and then the smell strikes you.


It’s spaghetti. There’s spaghetti here. Oh my god there’s sketties. Sketties. SKETTIES SKETTIES SKETTIES SKETTIES SK- No! Fuck! What are you doing?! Jesus! Even for a stupidly smart freak, you’re still a Fluffy. The mysterious love of spaghetti was still hard-coded into your brain.

You shake your head, and find the source of the smell, along with the stench of copper.

Half a dozen Fluffy bodies lay still, caught in the jaws of a Fluffy trap.

Big cities like these often place these around the alleyways. It’s like a mousetrap, and a beartrap rolled into one. A LOT of Fluffies fall for them, considering that they place an open can of dollar store spaghetti in the centre. You almost did.

No matter how smart you are, how ‘evolved’ you are compared to the rest of them, you are still a Fluffy Pony. And still to this day, you have no idea why you crave pasta so much.

As you turn around to walk away, you notice something. A Fluffy stands next to you, facing you with a wicked grin. It just kind of looks like a regular, dopey smile though.

“… Hey- uh- Hewwo. Move fo’ fwuffy? Nee’ wawkies to hewd.” You try to speak to the Fluffy, but it then headbutts you! Unlike the harmless boops of their hooves, this kind of hurts! You shake it off, and it butts you again.

“Dummeh fwuffy! Nu wun way! Am enfie fwuffie nao!” It sneers at you. Fuck. FUCK. GOD. Please god, don’t say this thing was SERIOUSLY trying to rape you right now. What the actual fuck? You’ve heard of Fluffies that do this, but having a Fluffy do this to *you*? What the hell?

“B-Buh… Buh why? Fwuffies am fow huggies and wuv! Nu bad enfies!” You try to reason with it, hoping that it’s infantile mind will agree with you. It just headbutts you again. Son of a bitch, that’s starting to hurt.

“Stupie dummeh enfie fwuffy! Fwuffy am make bad enfies and hab gewd feews!” He lunges at you!

You grunt, shaking him off your back. He falls to the ground with a squeak. While he’s on the ground, you don’t even try to stop yourself. You smash the thing’s head with your hoof. Unlike other Fluffies, these hurt. A lot.

“EEEEEE! SCREEEEE! WHY HUWT FWUFFY?! AM GEWD FWUFFY!” Jesus Christ, is it seriously trying to plead with you? It just tried to molest you, for crying out loud! What is WRONG with these things? “HUU! NU WIKE!”

You keep stomping.


And stomping.


And stomping.


Eventually, on one end of the Fluffy is a pool of its own excrement. On the other, a pulpy mass of blood and gore.

You pant, your hooves still slick with blood. Jesus… You don’t think you’ve ever killed another Fluffy before. You walk off, wordlessly.


You’ve managed to find a trash bag. A good sniff let you know it was filled with edible waste. It’d probably taste good to some Fluffies. You’ve been thinking the entire walk back to the grotto…

That Fluffy tried to rape you. It knew what it was doing, but at the same time when you were beating it, it seemed to almost forget what it was doing and asked you why you were even hurting it. Are Fluffies really that dumb? Or is it just a pre-programmed response that’s been hard-coded into their brains? Why would Fluffies be ‘programmed’ to be the most loving and happy creatures on the fucking planet, yet reject runts and bad coloured Fluffies? Why do cannibals, rapists, and Smarties even exist in the first place?

Are Fluffies even sentient?

… You know for a fact that you are. You think, therefore you am. You don’t even know who said that, yet you know it’s a famous quote. Maybe from some psychologist.

But what about the other Fluffies? Can they even ‘love’ or feel? Or are they just programmed to feel these emotions to make them look like intelligent beings? Did Fairy bring you to the herd because she was a kind person, or was it just programming to make as many friends as possible? You aren’t sure what to think anymore. Your thoughts have always been a bit conflicting regarding Fluffies, but today…

Like you said, you just don’t know what to think.

You gnaw the plastic of the bag open, letting the trash spill out. You pick through what’s edible and what’s not and place the food in the nummie pile. You’re tired, and the sun is almost setting. You decide to lay down, relax, and listen to the ambience.


“Tee-hee! Am fastest babbeh! Nu can catch!”

“Mumma wub babbeh, babbeh wub mummah…”


“EEEEP! Huu huu… Fwuffy make good poopies, pwomise!”

“Nee’ huggies! Huu!”

“Fwuffy wan sketties…”

Augh god. This ambience sucks. You stand up and shuffle your ass towards the cave. The Smarty stands at the entrance, as if he was expecting something. “Did Cinnamon bwing gud nummies?”

You nod. “Yeh. Cinnamon bwing bestest twashy nummies.”

He huffs and walks out to the nummie pile. He’s probably gonna eat all the best food, as usual.

As you walk into the cave, and lay down, you feel a weight pressing into you. Lo and behold, it’s Fairy. “Fwiend Cinnamon back! Did bwing nummies?”

You huff, and nod. “Yeh. Cinnamon bwing good twashie nummies.”

“Hooway! Cinnamon am bestest nummie findew ebah!” She hugs you. It feels comforting. You aren’t even sure if she really means to hug you or not, but it feels nice.


You wake up not to the loud bang of the wake-up call (which was just was just a Fluffy pushing a rock onto a bucket), but to the to the faint sound of singing… A voice calls out from further in the cave. “Mummah wub babbeh, babbeh wub mummah, gib miwkies and huggies to aww bestest smawty babbehs!”

Smawty Babbehs?

You stand up, making sure not to disturb anyone in the fluffpile. When you approach the source of the singing, it’s from a light blue Mare, her body greatly bloated, to the point where the nubs of her hooves are barely touching the ground. The Smarty was bringing her a whole bunch of food and eating some of it himself. He was mumbling.

“Mawe hab babbehs soon… Bestest smawty nu can hab gewd feews wib tummeh babbehs in speshuw fwiend… Smawty shouwd get enfie mawe…”

Upon hearing his idea, your blood boils. What the fuck was WRONG with this guy? You didn’t mention it before, but the Smarty gave the herd a rule. Anyone who gives someone bad special hugs are a bad Fluffy. And you almost got bad special hugs.

“Hypocrite!” You call out, not even trying to hide your non-Fluffspeak voice. The Smarty looks towards you.

“Wuh? Wut am hippocwit?”

You fume, quickly going back to fluffspeak. “’oo say nu bad huggies, now wan’ gib bad huggies! Dat am hippocwit! Nu pwactice wut pweach!”

The Smarty just giggles. “Dummeh Fwuffy, wut am gun do ‘bout dat? Am onwy dummeh owange Fwuffy. Am smawty Fwuffy! Nubuddeh beweave wat say, and nu cawe! Am smawty! Dis am hewd! Smawty can do wut smawty want becawse am bestest and goodest smawty in wowld! If wan enfie Fwuffy, smawty get enfie Fwuffy!

That’s it. That’s fucking it. You’re going to bash his head in. You stop yourself though… You have a way, way better idea for this piece of trash. You race back to the fluffpile, and yell at the top of your voice.


The Fluffies start to wake, some cry, some are just kind of grumpy. Others poop themselves out of fear. “Wowd noise!” “EEE! Nu poopies, nu come owt in fwuffpile!” “Peep! Peep!” “Bad Fwuffy?”

You try to speak, but Fairy sluggishly waddles towards you. “Cinnamon? Wut’s wong? Smawty nu am bad Fwuffy. Siwwy fwiend!” She giggles.

“Faiwy, nu, Smawty am wowstest smawty!” You speak up. “Smawty hab speshuw fwiend, an pwan to make somwon enfie Fwuffy!”

You seem to cause a bit of an uproar. “Dat *am* bad smawty!” “Hab speshuw fwiend? Yay!” “Huuuu… Nu wan be enfie Fwuffy!” “Buh Smawty am bestest smawty!”

“NU! NU TRU!” The Smarty runs into the room, sneering, cheeks puffed up. “Smawty am gud smawty! If nu smawty, hewd nu hab pwace to num and sweepies! Hewd need Smawty!”

You sneer back at him and face the herd. “… Otay. Cinnamon nu can ask Smawty to staph. But wan ask hewd. Am Smawty gewd Fwuffy?”

Confusion spread amongst the herd. “Ob cowse! Smawty am bestest!”

Another Fluffy shook their head. “Buh Fwuffy wan hab enfie fwuffy… Dat nu am gewd…”

“Huu… Smawty awways tweat mummah wowstest ‘cause am poopie cowour…”

You speak up. “’oo see? Smawty am suppowst to gib aww da fwuffies equal wub! But nu! Jus’ keep hewd smaww so hewd nu num best nummies, ‘cause Smawty want num instewd! Smawty tweat poopie fwuff Fwuffies wowstest!”

The Fluffies debate among themselves. If this works, you can finally give that fucking jackass what’s coming. Speaking of which, “NU!” the Smarty yells. “Nu wisten! Poopie fwuffy wy! Smawty am bestest smawty, and hewd fowwow smawty betawse am smawty!”

Some of the herd talked, some cried, and some just looked mad. That explanation was stupid, and apparently, they agreed. “Bad weedah!” “Nu wike!” “’oo bad smawty!”

Without even asking them to, they suddenly swarm towards the Smarty! “EEE! NUUU!” They start beating them with hooves and skulls, their teeth, and their own waste. “NU WIKE! NU WIKE! BIGGEST OWWIES! AM GEWD SMAWTY! PWEASE STOP! EEEP!” One of the Fluffies knock a tooth out. “EEEEEK! HUUUUHUHUHHHUUU!”

Afterwards, the Smarty is left beaten, bruised, and missing a few teeth. He’ll live, but the entire herd appears to have disowned him. You speak up. “Dewe! Smawty nu be bad smawty nu mowe, oa get biggew owwies!”

Some Fluffies cheer, others just look pissed off or confused that the Smarty was taken out. Hell, even the toughies seem happy. He was intelligent (for Fluffy standards anyway), but he was still a damn Smarty.


With everything all said and done, the Fluffies have decided that they’ll speak for themselves, not the Smarty. He’s sleeping down in the poopie pile.

Fairy seemed pleased as she walked back to the Fluffpile, in the burrow. She had got a few hits in herself and looked quite satisfied. You yawn and start to walk back too. Food was good and all, but you needed rest.


You turn around, looking for the source of the strange noise. You’ve never heard anything like that in the grotto before! You keep looking, until you look up at the treetops.

Perched on a branch is a camera.
Uploader Epixx231,
Tags Cognition enf herd intelligent_fluffy justice
Source Unknown
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CwinicawDepwession: The plot thickens! Good shit my dude, I'll be waitin for the next update
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Cock_Anon: Dis am make Cowk_Anown nu nu stick hawd
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Anders_Breivik: A government experiment studying fluffy behaviour. Thing are going to get VERY painful for Cinnamon!
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